http://www.dailynexus.com/2011-02-09/bodily-nether-regions-neglected-sexual-exploration/By Sara-Fay Katz
Published on February 9, 2011
What if I told you there was still an undiscovered foreign land just
waiting for the next Columbus to conquer it? Well get ready all you
Magellans, because it's time to go all Lewis and Clark on … the
butthole. Explorers, start your vibrating butt-plug engines!
For those of you out there who feel like the only two options for the
use of the hole in your ass is shitting and painful penis penetrating,
I'm here to tell you that anal stimulation is the new black. Yes, we
joke about cracks and ass-men, but when push comes to shove, where is
the love? And by shove I mean, shove it where the sun don't shine.
You know when you take a really good shit that makes you feel like you
have a born-again rectum? Well, just imagine harnessing that feeling
and redirecting it toward something sexual. It's the butthole
stimulation highway and all signs point to orgasm.
Ok, before you think I'm some nutty kink who sticks random objects up
my ass when I have my morning coffee just to get me through the
workday, I'll first say this: I'm not really into anal foreplay or
anal sex. However you may be, or be with someone who is, and I'm here
to tell you that wanting a finger, toy, shaft or tongue up your ass is
completely healthy. Actually, it's an urge that would be a shame not
to satisfy.
I know most of the funniest sexual things to joke about involve the
asshole or the shit thereon, around and all over some girl's chest.
But there's so much more to a butthole than rusty trombones, dirty
sanchezes, cleveland steamers, blumpkins and donkey punches. When it
comes to anal stimulation, there's really nothing to fear but the fear
of getting shat on itself. That is, except when it comes to "2 girls 1
cup." You should actually be very afraid of that and should cry enough
tears to erase any damage done to your eyeballs from witnessing it. A
small part of my soul slowly curled up and died when I was forced to
watch that.
Anal sex is something all guys want to do because their favorite porn
involves ass stuffing, but most girls are frightened to even consider
the thought. To that dichotomy, all I have to say is one word:
lubricant. A lot of it. Actually, just squeeze that entire tube on
there, buddy. Even though you're enjoying the shit out of your dick
getting strangled, she's in pain and regretting being open-minded
enough for you to get down.
Now I know you probably haven't said the word butt-plug since you were
on the elementary school playground, but it's actually a sex toy that
many use and enjoy. And if the idea of plugging your ass up is
appealing to you, you might be one of these people. And why stop
there? It's literally a black hole, so why not try anal beads or even
large rods if you're feeling particularly loose in the ass that day?
Have I completely grossed you out yet? If you made it this far, you
can probably handle the inevitable rim job discussion that's about to
go down. You know when you're sitting down at dinner, just enjoying
your meal and company, but something just doesn't seem quite right?
The mood is good and you've got your proteins and vegetables and
beverage, but you ask yourself, "What is missing?" Oh yes, of course —
a giant asshole in my face!
Now I'm not one of these people either, so I honestly can't tell you
if this is a common turn-on. Sometimes when I walk down the street, I
wonder if everyone is secretly going home and licking each other's
assholes. But if you've got a craving, I think it's time you tossed
that salad.
So ask yourself, "When was the last time I touched a butthole?" And if
it's been a while, maybe you should consider touching one sometime in
the near future. Grab that apple bottom and take a bite!
Daily Nexus sex columnist Sara-Fay Katz finds anal stigma to be a pain
in the ass.
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