---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Alok Tholia <tholiya@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 9:50 AM
Subject: [santacruzcivicforum] FW: Want expert advice...Fwd: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum.......and my reply to one querist on divorce...Alok
To: holy_trinity@googlegroups.com, santacruzcivicforum@yahoogroups.com, tholiya@yahoogroups.com, menow@yahoogroups.com, resortstimemeshare-india@yahoogroups.com, jainmatrimonials@yahoogroups.com
From: Alok Tholia <tholiya@hotmail.com>
Date: Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 9:50 AM
Subject: [santacruzcivicforum] FW: Want expert advice...Fwd: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum.......and my reply to one querist on divorce...Alok
To: holy_trinity@googlegroups.com, santacruzcivicforum@yahoogroups.com, tholiya@yahoogroups.com, menow@yahoogroups.com, resortstimemeshare-india@yahoogroups.com, jainmatrimonials@yahoogroups.com
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum <lawyersclubindia@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 5:44 AM
Subject: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum
To: atholiya@gmail.com
My Son like Sachin desai, U dont need expert advce but need holistic advice:
U have entered in to a marriage and not purchased a onion tomato. U dont have a choice which is so easy to exercise . However the easiest choice before you is to go to very good relationship / marriage counselors. At right stage they will call her too. That time convinve her and take her for counseling.
May be she is not getting what she expected from marriage.We should not be self centerd to only think of our expectations from marriage. You have brought in your life a living being who has her own needs,demands,urges,expectations etc .. You are treating her as a commodity ( I bought a gadget for so and so use , it is not fulfilling my needs and my family's need so I want to replace). And ofcurse u have not told that whether the living being with mind,heart,soul is giving you any shocks,jirks, jolts. If she is just cold to you then some patient efforts will bring lots of warmth and love in your live. But before expecting it to blossum , flower and give fruits you have to give the plants water, fertiliser, and care ( most important is safety). And remember 4 walls of a posh apartments, does not provide her any safety. Your committement to her, your integrity, your honesty alone can provide her saafty.
1. Even a pet, a tree needs care , music ( love in ears but most husbands and in laws give taunts)
2. Give security ( second person in life means insecurity).
3, Give dignity: Most girls in her parents house get more love and care then boys as they think she has to go one day after marriage. And when that same same dignity and affection is missing then she becomes affected.
4. U may have married a daughter of millionaires from generations. But if not then she has seen her family making several sacrifices and saving and collecting one single paisa for her marriage. Honestly speaking in school days I have sold lottery tickets to make 10 paisa per tkt. I started my business career with Rs 3000/- and my office was my small drawing room and my office table was my ceneter table purchased by my beloved grand pa in second hand ( today an antique peice and any one can come and see). I have deliverd 30 KG material carrying on my shoulders to Trapu Cans Pvt. Ltd., ( The then co. of Amitabha Bachhan) when I had just begun the business of supplies. Fees in my school was just Rs. 5/- p.m. ( I in my heart bow down to great Ruiaji who made such an institution who imparted strict Sanskar, discipline and education to students ). But when it came to my children we sent them to ICSE. Sent my daughter to best of coaching class Karla Shukla ). She graduated as Dentist in merit. First thing I did was to take her to Hansaben of intenationally renowned Yoga institute which imparts high spiritualism, sanskar, character then merely physical exercises.
Besides asking her to get involved in kitchen I sent her to Belaji's institute for cooking and kitchen management all the way to Jaipur for 10 days. By the grace of god she is a very good dancer too. She knows driving, computing,swimming though not proficiently.
By this time most my relatives and friends have been very successful.Some furnture in drawing room we changed as my well wishers insisted that my children have entered marraige age. But I contimued to be simple and humble as per my budget. I continued to use 21 " TV, old maruti van, Old furnitures. Why?? ( subsequently we changed few things as some of my LIC policies matured).
Just because on one hand my parents were old and no one knows better then me ( I run associations for sr. citizens for last 8 yrs.) that what can be the expenses on senior citizens if unfortunaely they become bedridden for long, then my son may need money if he has to abroad or start his own career, and most important was marriage of my lovely daugheter. It is important two note one fact here that in my life I have not even once even lightly slapped my children. Never never. I live with my parents, my one of the sis is around, my house in chawl type so every movement is open to neighbours, my office is in same building and has staff for day long and if any one can say that they have witnessed ever that I have even once slapped my children then I am willing to go for life time imprisionment as that is a worst crime according to me like child beating or wife beating or beating senior citizens.
And another thing is my own pride and princiles inherited from my grand pa and father. Even if one person can say that in our life time of three generations if ever a thing of one paisa was expected froget abt asking or taunting then I will committ suicide with whole family. And witnesses of all this begavioutrs are my own my 5 mamaji ( brothers of my mother ) and their family , that even by one word ever my grand pa who was born in 1890 and satrted his career as labourer in Aasam and then business in Mumbai with Rs 1/- ( will u believe) , my whole lot of relatives, baraties, and friends. In my marriage we cud arrange only one but to carry guest to Thane . My dear friend Mahesh Bajari gave his car for me the dulha. The no. of guest increased. My father ( the honourable father of groom) with some of his close knit travelled by local city but 311 to kurla, then took a local train in third class to Thane , and then by auto ricksha to Marraige place where my in laws had arranged for best of events ( not demanded, expected and agreed to that by us but they said they have to do as per their living) . I came to know of this journey after days. And feel proud of my father further who did not take obligation of anyone to get a car for himself as per his nature) and last thing he was to do unlike what we see is asking from bride side all the luxeries ( missed in their life). And little abt my father: Shri B L. Tholiya, B.com, LLB, ICWA, DBM ( Bajaj Institute), CS, CAIIB, Sanskrit Visharad.Ex Manager Bank, Insurance co, Indore Malava Mill, and finally practising cost accountant as top two in India ( first being nanabhoy and co.).
At the time of my marirage he was auditor/ consultant, co. secretarial work of to Hindustan aluminium, Bradbury Mills, Dhutpapeshwar, Ipca laboratories, Bombay Dying, Digvijay Cement Ltd, Indian smelting and I can go no. With his one phone call 50 cars would have come but??? Gifts worth lacs would have come but he did not give card to any of his clients, need I go on abt Gandhiji in my house???
And finally a day came. My daughter is married.......... Since that day ????????? Have any one of us slept???
As per me this much is sufficient to get some tears in your eyes that what all it means to bring up a daughter and specially by a family which has only earning as self respect and dignity. If a gril id taunted, insulted, barati do bootlegging, thare is some one else in life, if she is made to wash clothes even in fever, her pihar walas are insulted , etc etc and yet the expectationn from her and her parents are highest !!!!
May god give u a daughter , may these things happen to your sister and then think of they getting divorced.
dear Sachin unless there is a case declared by a psychiatrist as psychic there was and always is a chance , there always is a hope.We submit before govt officials, we do everything to please a boss, we do everything to keep happy friends and customers but we dont try to do same with our spouse ( specially wife) and het parents????????? why because of 5000 yrs of sick minds and culture. Come out of it. treat her as equal. Treat her 50% partner. All corpotrates spend millions to improve staff. Have you spent on her a paisa to improve her?
Understand her, give attention, get her good books, and CD"s, join art of living, Vipassana, Osho, or similar movement , love and respect her piharwalas if u expect her to respect and be attached to your parenyts etc etc. ( sorry no time to improve , spell chk, reframe, reprase but jo samajh sakta hai vo samajha lega and jo chikna ghada hai usko bhagwan ek din sikhayega though god has various ways to teach such persons).
Alok Tholiya
tholiya@yahoo.com
---------------------------------------------
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From: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum <lawyersclubindia@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Aug 15, 2011 at 5:44 AM
Subject: Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum
To: atholiya@gmail.com
Lawyersclubindia.com: Forum |
| Posted: 14 Aug 2011 04:45 PM PDT hi all, I'm married since Nov'08 with a grad. girl of my caste by hindu rituals. It was a arranged one I said was coz I have already divorced her mentally but practically we r living in same house as strangers. She is totally incooperative to me & my family & never took interest in me or my family affairs. She neighter wants to live with me like a normal wife nor she wants to give me divorce. In the first place she asked me to divorce her but now she doesn't accepts. Marriage is consumated but no physical contact since last 14 months as I don't feel likewise. I want to divorce her, what's the easiest way for same. Sachin desai |
My Son like Sachin desai, U dont need expert advce but need holistic advice:
U have entered in to a marriage and not purchased a onion tomato. U dont have a choice which is so easy to exercise . However the easiest choice before you is to go to very good relationship / marriage counselors. At right stage they will call her too. That time convinve her and take her for counseling.
May be she is not getting what she expected from marriage.We should not be self centerd to only think of our expectations from marriage. You have brought in your life a living being who has her own needs,demands,urges,expectations etc .. You are treating her as a commodity ( I bought a gadget for so and so use , it is not fulfilling my needs and my family's need so I want to replace). And ofcurse u have not told that whether the living being with mind,heart,soul is giving you any shocks,jirks, jolts. If she is just cold to you then some patient efforts will bring lots of warmth and love in your live. But before expecting it to blossum , flower and give fruits you have to give the plants water, fertiliser, and care ( most important is safety). And remember 4 walls of a posh apartments, does not provide her any safety. Your committement to her, your integrity, your honesty alone can provide her saafty.
1. Even a pet, a tree needs care , music ( love in ears but most husbands and in laws give taunts)
2. Give security ( second person in life means insecurity).
3, Give dignity: Most girls in her parents house get more love and care then boys as they think she has to go one day after marriage. And when that same same dignity and affection is missing then she becomes affected.
4. U may have married a daughter of millionaires from generations. But if not then she has seen her family making several sacrifices and saving and collecting one single paisa for her marriage. Honestly speaking in school days I have sold lottery tickets to make 10 paisa per tkt. I started my business career with Rs 3000/- and my office was my small drawing room and my office table was my ceneter table purchased by my beloved grand pa in second hand ( today an antique peice and any one can come and see). I have deliverd 30 KG material carrying on my shoulders to Trapu Cans Pvt. Ltd., ( The then co. of Amitabha Bachhan) when I had just begun the business of supplies. Fees in my school was just Rs. 5/- p.m. ( I in my heart bow down to great Ruiaji who made such an institution who imparted strict Sanskar, discipline and education to students ). But when it came to my children we sent them to ICSE. Sent my daughter to best of coaching class Karla Shukla ). She graduated as Dentist in merit. First thing I did was to take her to Hansaben of intenationally renowned Yoga institute which imparts high spiritualism, sanskar, character then merely physical exercises.
Besides asking her to get involved in kitchen I sent her to Belaji's institute for cooking and kitchen management all the way to Jaipur for 10 days. By the grace of god she is a very good dancer too. She knows driving, computing,swimming though not proficiently.
By this time most my relatives and friends have been very successful.Some furnture in drawing room we changed as my well wishers insisted that my children have entered marraige age. But I contimued to be simple and humble as per my budget. I continued to use 21 " TV, old maruti van, Old furnitures. Why?? ( subsequently we changed few things as some of my LIC policies matured).
Just because on one hand my parents were old and no one knows better then me ( I run associations for sr. citizens for last 8 yrs.) that what can be the expenses on senior citizens if unfortunaely they become bedridden for long, then my son may need money if he has to abroad or start his own career, and most important was marriage of my lovely daugheter. It is important two note one fact here that in my life I have not even once even lightly slapped my children. Never never. I live with my parents, my one of the sis is around, my house in chawl type so every movement is open to neighbours, my office is in same building and has staff for day long and if any one can say that they have witnessed ever that I have even once slapped my children then I am willing to go for life time imprisionment as that is a worst crime according to me like child beating or wife beating or beating senior citizens.
And another thing is my own pride and princiles inherited from my grand pa and father. Even if one person can say that in our life time of three generations if ever a thing of one paisa was expected froget abt asking or taunting then I will committ suicide with whole family. And witnesses of all this begavioutrs are my own my 5 mamaji ( brothers of my mother ) and their family , that even by one word ever my grand pa who was born in 1890 and satrted his career as labourer in Aasam and then business in Mumbai with Rs 1/- ( will u believe) , my whole lot of relatives, baraties, and friends. In my marriage we cud arrange only one but to carry guest to Thane . My dear friend Mahesh Bajari gave his car for me the dulha. The no. of guest increased. My father ( the honourable father of groom) with some of his close knit travelled by local city but 311 to kurla, then took a local train in third class to Thane , and then by auto ricksha to Marraige place where my in laws had arranged for best of events ( not demanded, expected and agreed to that by us but they said they have to do as per their living) . I came to know of this journey after days. And feel proud of my father further who did not take obligation of anyone to get a car for himself as per his nature) and last thing he was to do unlike what we see is asking from bride side all the luxeries ( missed in their life). And little abt my father: Shri B L. Tholiya, B.com, LLB, ICWA, DBM ( Bajaj Institute), CS, CAIIB, Sanskrit Visharad.Ex Manager Bank, Insurance co, Indore Malava Mill, and finally practising cost accountant as top two in India ( first being nanabhoy and co.).
At the time of my marirage he was auditor/ consultant, co. secretarial work of to Hindustan aluminium, Bradbury Mills, Dhutpapeshwar, Ipca laboratories, Bombay Dying, Digvijay Cement Ltd, Indian smelting and I can go no. With his one phone call 50 cars would have come but??? Gifts worth lacs would have come but he did not give card to any of his clients, need I go on abt Gandhiji in my house???
And finally a day came. My daughter is married.......... Since that day ????????? Have any one of us slept???
As per me this much is sufficient to get some tears in your eyes that what all it means to bring up a daughter and specially by a family which has only earning as self respect and dignity. If a gril id taunted, insulted, barati do bootlegging, thare is some one else in life, if she is made to wash clothes even in fever, her pihar walas are insulted , etc etc and yet the expectationn from her and her parents are highest !!!!
May god give u a daughter , may these things happen to your sister and then think of they getting divorced.
dear Sachin unless there is a case declared by a psychiatrist as psychic there was and always is a chance , there always is a hope.We submit before govt officials, we do everything to please a boss, we do everything to keep happy friends and customers but we dont try to do same with our spouse ( specially wife) and het parents????????? why because of 5000 yrs of sick minds and culture. Come out of it. treat her as equal. Treat her 50% partner. All corpotrates spend millions to improve staff. Have you spent on her a paisa to improve her?
Understand her, give attention, get her good books, and CD"s, join art of living, Vipassana, Osho, or similar movement , love and respect her piharwalas if u expect her to respect and be attached to your parenyts etc etc. ( sorry no time to improve , spell chk, reframe, reprase but jo samajh sakta hai vo samajha lega and jo chikna ghada hai usko bhagwan ek din sikhayega though god has various ways to teach such persons).
Alok Tholiya
tholiya@yahoo.com
---------------------------------------------
Click here to see or reply back
Visit Lawyersclubindia Forum - to share knowledge
---------------------------------------------------------------------
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
Note: This email was sent automatically from our server. Do Not Reply - Please use Web Interface to respond.
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